A Guide to Listening

How often has it happened that we failed in achieving the level that we so wanted just because we didn’t listen? It may be a single second distraction but the price to pay is too high. Especially if it happens in a meeting where some strategy or plans are being made, then your whole future is in jeopardy. Think of the many times you got into a conflict just because you misunderstood what was said. Listening ability, if poor, will affect your productivity because you don’t have the tools needed to influence, negotiate & persuade. Moreover, lines of communication must be open & two ways.

Being a good listener can help you to
1. perform to expectations
2. avoid conflicts and misunderstandings
3. to succeed everywhere.

Now that the importance of being a good listener is understood, here are certain tips to improve your listening skills.

1. Start by understanding your own communication style: You require a high degree of self awareness, knowledge of how others perceive you. Make the other person feel comfortable with you by selecting and emphasizing certain behaviours that fit within your personality and resonate with him.

“When I’m getting ready to persuade a person, I spend one-third of the time thinking about myself, what I’m going to say, and two-thirds of the time thinking about him and what he is going to say” Abraham Lincoln!

2. Listen aggressively: If your mind drifts when somebody is saying something important to you, then try repeating the words in your mind. That’ll help you control mind drift. Most can listen intelligently up to 300 words per minute. Asking the right questions will help you to understand better.

3. Control emotions: According to specialists, your emotions are powerful obstacles to listening. They colour what you hear and prevent you from focussing on what is being said. So before any meeting its important that you take sometime for yourself, away from the clutter and hurry, do some relaxation exercises. Breathing deeply or counting silently will help you relax. Try to tune in to and accept the speaker’s style. It will help to establish a strong connection, leading to better understanding.

4. Use nonverbal communication: Smile, gestures, eye contact & even posture will improve interpersonal communication. Sharp differences can create tension. So notice details about the speaker: how fast he talks, how formal he is and how much eye contact he offers. Few nodes and shakes of your head can work wonders too.

5. Consider all sources: One major obstacle to effective listening is labelling the person you’re talking to - ‘boss’, ‘peer’, ‘subordinate’. This process can hurt you in business; especially if it alters your impression of employees ‘lower the ladder’. So encourage communication outside the traditional lines of reporting and welcome informal networks of communication with employees.

6. Don’t jump to conclusions: Many people think they have identified the problem before the speaker has finished talking about it. If you react too quickly, you may make the speaker feel inadequate and you fail to gather the information you need to find the best possible solution. Then there arises the anxiety of how to respond. You don’t have to respond quickly. Pausing a moment before making a response is a sign of respect. Once you stop worrying about what to say, you’ll become more receptive.

7. Understanding the other: Due to our personal filters, assumptions, judgements & beliefs what someone says and what we hear can be amazingly different. If you want to influence a person, you need to first listen to and understand him. Only after meeting that person’s need to be understood should you try to influence him. Effective business people listen for ‘hot buttons’ or unsatisfied needs that can be used to clinch a deal. So if you are not sure about what you heard, repeat back or summarize or ask him whether this is what he meant. Not only does it demonstrate that you listen actively, it also confirms communication.

It is difficult but difficulties are meant, not to discourage you; but to arise you from sleep. So keep trying to be a good listener. Practice hard and what do you know - One day, not a single word said will escape you!!!